Blended Families

Blended Families

Blended families (also known as stepfamilies) often carry emotional wounds, not just from the process of combining households, but from what came before. Divorce, death, broken trust, parental conflict, moves, and changing schools or routines can all be distressing, disorienting, and destabilizing, especially for children. Even if the new family is loving and supportive, the body and brain may still respond with signs of emotional overwhelm, similar to how we respond to trauma.

The information provided on this website is for informational purposes only and is not intended as professional mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult with a licensed mental health professional for advice specific to your situation.

How common are blended families?

Blended families are incredibly common in today’s world but that doesn’t mean they’re easy. In fact, nearly one in three Americans is part of a stepfamily. About 40% of married couples with children are step-couples, where at least one partner brings a child from a previous relationship. That means millions of families are navigating the complexities of merging different parenting styles, histories, traditions, and expectations under one roof.

If you have ever found yourself asking:

As a Parent or Stepparent:

• Why do I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around my stepchild?
• How do I bond with my partner’s kids when they don’t seem to want me around?
• Are we ever going to feel like a real family?
• How do I support my child while building a relationship with my partner’s children?
• My partner and I don’t agree on discipline, how do we parent together without constant conflict?

As a Child or Teen:

• Why does it feel like no one asked me what I wanted?
• Will loving my stepparent mean betraying my other parent?
• Why do I feel so angry or left out all the time?
• How do I fit into this new version of my family?

As a Whole Family:

• Why do small things turn into big arguments?
• Are we repeating the same patterns from past relationships or marriages?
• Is it normal that this feels harder than we thought it would?

Then it may be time for support that helps your blended family strengthen communication, build trust, and create a more peaceful home.

Will there ever be harmony in my blended family?

Many people are surprised to learn that it can take four to seven years for a blended family to feel stable and connected. That’s a long time to live in the tension of “figuring it out.” And while second marriages with children are increasingly common (making up about 60% of all second marriages), they are also at higher risk of divorce. That’s not because these families don’t love each other, but because the challenges of blending are real and often underestimated.

Children in blended families may experience emotional or behavioral difficulties, especially during big transitions. Parents may struggle to balance loyalty to their children with building a relationship with a new partner. And stepparents can often feel like outsiders in their own homes. These experiences are not signs of failure—they’re signals that more support might be needed. Therapy is a space to slow down, find clarity, and build tools for connection and communication. Families who seek support during the blending process often report stronger relationships, reduced conflict, and a deeper sense of togetherness over time.

How can therapy help my blended family?

Blended family therapy is about so much more than getting everyone to “get along.” It’s about healing. I approach blended family work through a trauma-informed lens because being in a blended family means there has been trauma within the family system.

Blended family dynamics may trigger trauma-like responses such as:

• Sudden change in routines, homes, or caregivers
• Feelings of loss (of time with a parent, of a familiar home, of a previous way of life)
• Powerlessness over big decisions that affect daily life
• Emotional flashbacks to parental conflict or instability
• Hypervigilance or sensitivity in navigating new relationships and roles
• Fear of rejection or abandonment from new family members

Together, we will focus on creating emotional and relational safety for all members of the home. My goal is to hold space for each person’s unique experience of change, ensuring that every voice is heard and honored.

When working with blended families, an integrated approach is often the most effective. Here are several therapy modalities I use in my practice:

Narrative Therapy: Allows each family member to tell their own story and feel heard, which is essential when past family experiences (e.g., divorce, loss, trauma) influence current interactions. Narrative therapy gives space for identity and personal meaning within the family unit.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Useful for addressing individual thoughts and behaviors that impact the family—such as resentment, loyalty conflicts, or maladaptive coping strategies. CBT can also help family members reframe misunderstandings and manage emotional responses more effectively.

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT): Teaches families concrete communication skills, conflict resolution strategies, and tools for creating shared routines. This is key for helping blended families manage the day-to-day transitions of co-parenting, shared custody, and changing family roles.

Psychoeducation: In blended family therapy, psychoeducation can be incredibly beneficial because it helps family members understand the dynamics of blending two households and the emotional challenges that come with it.